Meant To Be Invincible
by Ben is Glory
Summary: She thought that meant she was invincible. He proved her wrong. CX.


TITLE: Meant To Be Invincible  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG? wtf I don't know.

DISCLAIMER: All care of Joss and Mutant Enemy. Not mine. Swear.  
SETTING: Starts at the end of Lover's Walk ((and yes, that is the actual scene! Copyright Joss & Co.)) up to The Wish.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for the Old School Cordy ficathon back in January. Written for anythingbutgrey, who asked for Cordy/Xander, post-Lover's Walk, and some pain with no fluff. And no evil!Xander, because it's mean.

FEEDBACK: Of course, of course.

* * *

Everything is bright. Too bright. Fluorescent lights glare down over the white walls and linoleum floors. He can hear his heart pounding in his ears, and his hands shake, nearly making him drop his bouquet. He sees her through the open doorway and knocks, asking quietly, "Can I come in?"

She says nothing and turns away.

He comes in anyway, moving over to her side. "They wouldn't let me see you until now," he tells her, placing the flowers on her table. "Those are flowers."

She moves her head to face him as he sits down and tries to explain. "Look, Cordy, I want you to know that I…"

But she cuts him off. "Xander?" she whispers.

"Yeah." His voice is full of hope.

It pains her to say these words, to give up on love. But she just can't live this way. "Stay away from me," she tells him and looks away.

He's been hit by a truck. Feels like he can't breathe, and his world is crumbling around him. The bottom's fallen out; their bottom. There's nothing he can do, so he hesitantly gets up to leave. One look back, then he's gone.

She can't see anything. It's all far too dark, and she can't deal. Not right now. The world clouds as she starts to cry.

* * *

She brushes a stray piece of hair off her shoulder as she sifts through more outfits. Impalement might stop some girls from looking their best but not Queen C. Especially now. Especially now that she's lost the one person who loved her. The one person who understood her, who she could feel completely comfortable around. Now she's back to being alone, and she doesn't want that, so she's looking for the perfect costume to disguise herself with. One that she can wear to school tomorrow that will attract the most attention. After all, she's got a lot of covering up to do.

The mall is crowded as he makes his way through the din. He doesn't really know why he's here; normally he hates the mall. But it's been almost a week, and she hasn't taken any of his calls or even let him know that she's all right. So maybe he's come here looking for her, and maybe he'll find her.

He's always wanted to be popular at school to have everyone talking to him. Well, they're definitely talking now, just not _to_ him. He can feel their eyes on him every time he walks down the hall. The whispers echo in his mind, and the rumors flutter all around him. It's amazing the things high school kids can come up with. In one day he heard that he'd ax-murdered her, that she was in rehab for a drug overdose, and that she couldn't face anyone after he had cheated on her. The last one hurt the most because he knew at least part of it was true.

He stops dead in his tracks when he sees her through the window of her favorite little boutique. He tries to hide before she sees him, but it's too late, and he's pretty sure she did. _What is she doing here?_ he thinks, coming up with nothing. _She should be at home not answering my calls._ For a few minutes he struggles with a decision: should he go in and say something or just turn around and walk away? Usually he'd pick the latter, but God, he misses her so much. And against his better judgment he marches into the shop.

She pretends not to notice.

"Hey, Cordy," he says gently.

Her voice is stern when she tells him, "Go away, Xander." She tries to leave, but he's right at her side. She almost laughs at the irony.

"Cor, wait. Just hear me out."

"No!" she screams. Several people stop what they're doing and turn to look at the pair. "I don't need to hear anything you have to say," she hisses. "I don't owe you _anything_."

Sadly he looks down at the ground and mumbles, "I know."

Satisfied, she turns on her heel to walk out of the store only to hear him say, "I miss you." This is when she turns around because, oh, she misses him too. It wasn't supposed to hurt this much. She was the biggest bitch in Sunnydale and for a while she thought that meant she was invincible, that nothing could touch her. This proved her wrong. _He_ proved her wrong. Maybe that meant something. Hell, it had to.

"I miss you, too," she confesses, still facing away from him.

He moves to be in front of her and looks in her eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just…"

She cuts him off. "I know." She is lying. He _did_ hurt her, and it didn't matter if he meant to or not. But part of her doesn't care because he was her first love and she misses that.

This conversation has played a thousand times in his head but never once did it go this way. Was she going to forgive him? Would they be okay? He is prepared for rejection, not for a happy ending. His face contorts in confusion. "So what's that mean?"

Without a second thought she moves in and kisses him softly on the lips. As she pulls away, a sharp pain hits her in the stomach, and she doubles over.

"Cordelia!" Xander calls, scared to death that he's done this. That he's caused her even more pain. "Cordelia! Cordelia!"

His voice is getting hazy as she opens her eyes. She can still hear him calling to her. But she's not at the mall. She's in her bed and doesn't understand where his voice is coming from.

"Cordelia! Are you there? Pick up if you are. It's me. I just wanted to… well, you know." _Click._

She slowly figures it out: it was all a dream. None of it was real. She is still miserable and she is still alone and she still has _her_ to blame for it.

The next day at school she makes a new friend, and it's the best day of her life.


End file.
